It’s getting chilly and I hate parties.

Or I’m just bad at them lately. The leaves on the trees that line New York City’s streets are turning orange and brown and dying and falling to the ground, the air is colder, and at parties, I never know what to do with my hands. I kind of just hold them at my chest like a T-Rex gripping a beer can. I don’t know why that is. I’m a big fan of them in theory but as I get older, I find that I hit a point in the night like a brick wall where I cease all joy and I am tired and my joints ache and the beer is making my mouth feel weird and there’s no one around that I care about. In the past, when I’d feel this way, I’d compensate with alcohol and shit talking, completely determined to remain in the room despite not having a good time.

Lucky for me, those days have ended. Instead of white knuckling a social event, I simply leave. The key is to not tell anyone you’re leaving. That way you won’t have to listen to all of them yelling, ‘don’t bitch out! Two more hours! I thought we were friends!’. Here are songs to put on through your earbuds on chilly Autumn walks home alone, the party behind you, your bed in front of you, the cold breeze within you, the stars above you.

i hate parties but i love these people.