The Brian Anderson Interview
Skate photo by Ben Colen, Portraits by Sam Smyth
Interview by Jason Crombie as it appears in Issue 32.
The most annoying thing about Brian Anderson- or any professional skater standing taller than six feet- is he debunks my theory that a good street skater doth a short man make.
In the mid 90’s I went to a Birdhouse demo and Tony Hawk was there. Like most demos in those days, there was a vert part and a street part. During the vert part, Tony flew with the grace and ease of his feathery namesake (the hawk, stupid); but on the street course he fell about like an upturned bag of femurs. It was then I decided that it wasn’t my ineptitude stopping me from getting on Alien Workshop- it was my six-foot one-inch frame; and lo, I became the first man in history to ever wish that he were the same height as a kettle. Then along comes Brian Anderson, the gangly beast, who, despite being almost the same length as two whole Steve Caballero’s, shreds with the steady footed prowess of a dwarf. How? I called Brian up with the intention of finding out just that, but we ended up swapping recipes.
Sounds like you’ve really busy this year.
Yeah.
What with?
I’ve just been flying a lot, typical stuff.
Tours?
Yeah, tours, and going to Nike in Portland, and then to Hawaii for a Four Star trip, then visiting New York; all kinds of stuff.
Thanks for squeezing in this interview.
Oh, no problem. This is easy. It isn’t really a squeeze-in. I think I was just kinda stressed out there for a while, but I’m better now; I took a little break.
Cool. Ok, here’s my first (really original) question: How long have you been a professional skateboarder?
I guess about…15, 16 years now.
Far out.
Yeah. 15 years. I’ll be 35 this year and I think for my first pro-model I was 20.
And that was with Toy Machine, right?
Yeah.
And prior to that what were you doing?
I was working. I had a job dishwashing when I was 14, I think. And then I worked at a grocery store, and then I worked at a restaurant; a pasta restaurant in Connecticut.
And you were a chef.
Yeah, well I learned to dish-wash, and then I leant how to prep cook, and then I learned to work on the oven and then the range. So I worked my way to the top at that particular place, and, I mean, it was good; that was probably what I was going to go to school for: to be a chef.
I think it’s interesting that you worked as a chef, because chefs are crazy and they drink like fish.
Yeah, I drink like that; I’m sure I could’ve handled it.
One of your teammates said he saw you drink a case of beer in one sitting and you were totally fine?
Of course!
You like a tipple?
I like drinking. "Water, weed, wine, and everything’s fine" That's me and Stefan Janoskis’ little motto.
“No man, I can’t get big and yoked out; I wont be able to skate, y’know? It already sucks being 6.3”.”
When you were a chef did you ever spit in anyone’s food?
No, no; nothing like that. One time, I think I probably messed with the food of this cop who arrested me.
How?
I dropped it on the floor or something.
Did you ever jack-off in the chicken stock?
No! No way! I have too many karmic thoughts; I could never do something like that.
Did you ever make a waitress cry?
Ahh…Maybe. I wasn’t really that aggressive. Perhaps once in a while I would yell at them, but only when they’d deserved it.
What would you yell?
I’d say like, “You fuckin’ idiot! You just screwed up the whole thing!” But I’m more the kinda guy who’ll go down stairs and punch a wall, y’know? I worked with a guy, though, who’d throw pots and pans at waiters and waitresses, and it was scary. He was my friend, too, so I’d have to chill him out.
Do you like cooking? Like, do you cook for yourself?
Yeah, I like to cook at home quite a bit, and I try to cut everything nicely, and use all the techniques I learnt from my old boss, you know: appearance, colors, textures…I still really enjoy cooking quite a bit.
What’s the best dish in your repertoire?
I don’t have too many things; I keep it pretty simple. I really enjoy making a lot of different stews and stuff. Recently I’ve been going to the butcher and getting like really good grass-fed meat and free-range chicken -which are much smaller because they’re not pumped full of water and steroids. Regular meat is just so disgusting now.
Totally. I barely eat it.
Yeah. But anyway, last winter I really got into making casseroles because it was so cold. But I like to make stews more ‘cause it’s fun; it’s an all-day thing.
You ever whip up some paella?
I’ve had those in the south of Spain before, like really good ones, so I’m kinda spoiled. I’ve made gumbo, though; that one’s really fun.
What about a profiterole tower?
A what?
You know: the profiterole tower.
What’s that?
It’s like a tall stack of little profiteroles; those little cake balls with custard in them. You see them at weddings.
Oh yeah! Ha! No, never made one of those, I rarely make deserts. But I made a pineapple upside-down cake once; that was super fun.
What’s the easiest thing to make?
I guess guacamole, anyone can do it: three avocados; few table spoons of olive oil; lemon and lime to taste; salt, pepper, chili flakes, sliced jalapeno, one garlic clove, finely chopped; maybe half an onion. More olive oil if it’s too thick…I dunno?
And what do you call it, BA’s Special Guacamole?
Just guacamole!
You grew up in a family of 13; 14 including yourself; 16 if you include your parents. Why didn’t anyone tell your folks about condoms?
I know! Well, my dad is Catholic- Roman Catholic- and my mom started going to church too, so…
Where are you in the scheme of things, like, are you youngest, oldest, middle kid?
I’m the youngest.
How old is the oldest?
Fuck…she’s probably like…60. I haven’t talked to her in a couple of years.
That’s insane! I suppose it’s not totally insane, but it’s…
Yeah, I know.
Are any of your sibling’s successful athletes or anything like that? Or are you like the family celebrity?
No, I mean…one’s a nurse; one of my sister’s works at the post office; another works for Social Security; one’s a masseuse…they’re all successful in their chosen fields.
Are you all really tall? You’re like 6.3 or something, aren’t you?
Yeah, I’m 6.3. A few of my sister are an inch or two taller than the average woman, I guess. But there all pretty average sized; they’re not extremely tall.
Do you play basketball?
I did with brother a little bit, growing up. I had an older father, so he didn’t really play sports with me, but I played with my brother and his friends.
What did your dad do for a living to feed so many kids?
My dad worked at a place called Electric Boat for 37 years. He worked in the safety-planning department for the submarines that they built there.
He built submarines?
Yeah, he helped build submarines.
Can we talk about your tattoos real quick?
Yeah, sure.
What tattoo is your favorite?
Um, let’s see…my favorite one is probably on my ribs, it’s a picture from a tile…
A tile?
A kitchen tile from when I used to live with Brad (Staba) and bunch of other people. It was this tile from the kitchen wall and I always loved it; it was my favorite one.
What’s the picture on the tile?
It’s an uncooked lobster, a beer, a tomato, boiled egg. It’s like a 1950’s lookin’ kitchen tile.
So, wait. Did you rip it off the wall, or…
Yeah, we took it off the wall and then put it back, or whatever…or one of us kept it. The house was kinda falling apart a little bit anyway.
I have a theory that you- Brain Anderson- land all your tricks not so much to land them, but to protect your tatts from getting messed up, like if you bail on them. Is that true?
Ha!
When you slam is that the first thing you think of: fuck, my tattoos!
I have so many (tattoos) that it doesn’t matter to me, y’know? I popped a little hole in my elbow -on one of my tattoos- and now there’s a scar going through it, and, honestly, I don’t mind because, like I said, I have so many that if one of them gets scratched I’m like, “oh cool.”
Do you put sunscreen on them?
I don’t put sunscreen on them, really, because I like them to slowly fade. You see those white boys with the big old fuckin’ red and blue and orange, bright, colorful tattoos on their neck; I think that shit looks awful.
Tatts look better when they’re worn in; I agree.
I like mine seasoned, so to speak. Although, I have a portrait on my arm of Stevie Nicks and that’s the only one I really put sunscreen on.
“Yeah, I’d get ‘SF’ under my eye. No, I’d probably get… you know when people get drunk and someone draws on their face while they’re passed out? Yeah, I’d probably just get like a giant dick on my forehead.”
You’ve got Stevie Nicks’ head on your arm?
Her face, yeah.
No shit. Would you ever tattoo your face?
No. I can’t say right now that I would.
No?
No, and probably never will. I don’t think face or hand tattoos are stupid, necessarily; they’re just not for me.
If you were going to get a tattoo on your face, what would you get? Like, if you had to.
Oh man, I don’t know…
I’d get the Lakers insignia.
Yeah, I’d get ‘SF’ under my eye. No, I’d probably get… you know when people get drunk and someone draws on their face while they’re passed out?
You’d get a big dick tattoo?
Yeah, I’d probably just get like a giant dick on my forehead, and then for the rest of my life people would be like, “Oh my god! Do you think that guy knows he’s got a dick drawn on his face with a sharpie?”
Do you work out?
Yeah, I just came from the gym right now.
Really?
Yeah. I never used to, but I’m getting older and, although I’ve always stretched a lot, I’ve never really lifted weights.
Are you trying to get huge?
No man, I can’t get big and yoked out; I wont be able to skate, y’know? It already sucks being 6.3”. When I jump down a staircase I’m already like, “Woah-woah-woah!”
If you were heavier it’d be more difficult.
Yeah, so I just stretch and stuff, and I lift a pretty mild amount of weights for about ten minutes. Then I’ll get in the sauna and drink a ton of water and sweat all the toxins out. So, yeah, I like a really mellow gym mission. I go for about an hour.
You seem like such a mellow dude.
Yeah?
You’re super mellow, right?
For the most part, yeah. I do have my weird issues with certain noises and situations…
But for the most part you’re a pretty relaxed guy.
Yeah. Why?
Well I have to ask, why do you hate Cat Stevens?
What? I never said…maybe I did say, “hate” but that’s such a strong word. Look, I totally respect that man’s music, but I never bought it. It’s one of those things where you hear it too much –everywhere you go- and then you’re like, “I don’t need that.”
Ok, but I heard you also despise Paul McCartney. Why do you hate Paul McCartney, Brian?
Yeah, I don’t really like Paul McCartney’s solo stuff necessarily, but…
I heard you didn’t like him as a person.
If I said I hated him I was probably joking. I don’t really hate anybody, except for Sarah Palin.
Oh man, how much do you hate her? I hate her guts! Almost as much as you hate Paul McCartney.
I respect Paul McCartney big-time. I just don’t care for his solo stuff.
Well that is majorly disappointing. I was told you wanted to kill him. I told Alex (Olson) I was interviewing you and he said, “Oh man, he hates Paul McCartney! Ask him about Paul McCartney!”
Well yeah, I probably said that to Alex, but I wouldn’t commit those words in writing.
You wouldn’t blog it.
No. I don’t want people saying, “Dude, what’s up with that dude and Paul McCartney? Why does he have to hate so much?”
Last question: Why skateboarding?
I don’t know, man. I mean, when my brothers and I would go sledding in the winter I used to stand on the sled, y’know? Like try to stand up. So I loved skateboarding right when I found it. I was like, oh, this is it; this is the thing! I don’t have to compete; I don’t have a coach; this is awesome!
Love at first sight.
Totally.
