Photos by Andrew Peters

So you don’t burn your butt crack… 

I once had a few torturous years at university involving my butt crack. No matter what I did, it was always out. Sweatpants? There it was. Low-rise jeans? Heavens, no. Worst of all—days in a bathing suit. Bums never really see the light of day, making my white crack particularly vulnerable. Anyways, we have high-waisted pants now and of course, sunscreen. 

After applying the Sun Bum to my lips, face, shoulders, and bum over the weekend, I have come back to the office a slightly more bronzed goddess (self-proclaimed), smelling like a Hawaiian holiday and containing the same youth and wisdom as Mary Schmich’s poem, Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen.

If you don’t want your skin to end up looking like a piece of disposed cheesecloth by the time you’re 40, buckle up and listen: wear sunscreen. And not just any sunscreen, choose the good stuff, like Sun Bum.

The Monster Children Sunscreen Prerequisites

• Must smell like a holiday, no matter if you’re lounging in an inflatable pool in a trailer park or on a secluded island. Check. Seriously, the lip balm from Sun Bum will make you think you’re eating some type of fruity daiquiri in Mexico, the sunscreen itself will have you constantly whiffing yourself in ecstasy, and you’re bound to catch that ‘gee, what smells so good?’ compliment from your mates.

• Must not contain cancer-causing nasties like many chemical sunscreens found in the U.S. Check. I only like putting poison of my choice in my body, and sunscreen isn’t one of them. I’ll be damned if there’s oxybenzone in my sunscreen, but more than happy to inhale a pack of cigarettes when I’m on one. I see the hypocrisy but that’s always one’s choice.

• Must help you avoid looking like a geisha on the beach. Check. I can attest to using Sun Bum’s clear zinc on my face for a full day of surf and I did not look like I had white bird shit smeared on my nose, nor did I end up with heinous burn lines in areas I might have missed.

• Must be reef safe. Check. Fucking save the reef, the planet has had enough of our bullshit.

• Must not leave me with greasy hands and skin that I then go on to smear everything I touch. Check. Call me a bit of a diva with skincare products if you must, but there’s nothing worse than slip, slop, slapping the stuff on and having hands loaded with grease. Try opening a door with those hands. Sun Bum’s sunscreen actually absorbed into my skin. Just one rub in and my skin was baby powder soft and protected.

Now please enjoy these lovely curated photos of our favorite Sun Bum products along with some collectable household items. Nothing says avoiding a sunburn-like a cat statue cradling a bottle of their ‘Cool Down’ lotion. If you’ve been looking for a way to keep your naked body from looking like an aged piece of shit, make sure you’ve always got a bottle of Sun Bum on hand.

Protect your butt crack with Sun Bum here.