Fortune Teller 2024: Our New Year’s Predictions In The World Of Skate

I wrote a newsletter intro that had a few of our predictions for the 2024 calendar year in the worlds of surf, skate, music, and art, and you all ate that up with a spoon.

Since you all like to see into the future as much as we do, here are our predictions for 2024 in the world of skateboarding, compiled by our staff, editors, contributors, friends, enemies, skaters, surfers, industry heads, and fellow shit talkers. Below you will find a list of skateboarding-related predictions, hopes, trends, guesstimations, and equivocations. Happy new year.

• Arto’s Sorry part will be unknowingly recreated by three skaters across four video parts, but all switch (the switch tricks in Arto’s part will be done fakie).

• Hand plants will come into fashion and you won’t be good at them.

• VFC will buy FA.

• Dill will put out a video part.

• There will be a switch tre in a fashion show and it’ll probably be Carl.

• Gifted Hater SOTY.

• The need to be referentially ironic will compel everyone to ride completes and pretend to like them.

• TikTok will overtake Thrasher’s video marketshare.

• Evan will quit Welcome and go to Fendi.

• Nollie front smiths will become legal.

• There will be a full pads street part and it will fucking rip.

• Heath Kirchart sightings (various).

• Shaped boards.

• 7.75 and smaller will come back into fashion…

• …and therefore so will double and triple flips.

• Tail devils will spark a wildfire.

• FA/Hockey today will be what Girl/Chocolate was in 2007 (as we’ve said every year for a decade).

• Sheckler backside flips el toro but there won’t be a filmer.

• We finally accept that there is such a thing as a frontside overcrook (‘this’ll really piss ‘em off’ is what a contributor said about this prediction").

• 50-50 front shoves. You’ll be learning them as quick as you deleted your slap comments shit talking them. Just you wait.

• Another DC World Tour and thus another DC World Tour jersey.

• Spike goes back to 360 flip Santa Monica triple set after twenty years of fear.

• Tom Knox SOTY.

• Vans and MC will release a white shoe that comes pre-dirtied.

• A new era of California schoolyard picnic bench parts.

• Filmers migrate from the HVX and the Sony FX6 to VX to 16mm to flip cameras to detailed illustrations.

• Trend of the year: kissing the homies when you get your clip.

• Pro skaters will make more than minimum wage.

• Pro skaters will make less than minimum wage.

• Gifted Hater’s stock will plummet and only have fourteen subscribers (and Dylan Jaeb will be one of them).

• Water sponsors will overtake energy drink sponsors.

• Home Depot enters the skateboarding industry compiling a team of those guys who wear Creature hoodies and build almost-good DIY transition around your small town.

• Tompkins will be rebuilt as a Streetleague training course for all the kids who thought they were good enough to make the move from Washington Square Park to TF.

• Every guy you made fun of at the skatepark for wearing a Fitbit will be better than you at skating.

• We’ll all get tricked into believing that golfing is cool.

• Ryan Townley SOTY.

• Greg Lutzka’s fedora gets inducted into the Skateboarding Hall of Fame.

• The trend of turning three tricks into a three minute part via dramatic slo-mo and picture-in-picture finally goes away.

• Skateboarding becomes funny again.

• Front 50-50 to front tail will be a joke at first. At first….

• We will all realize that we don’t like skating to techno.

• Filming-Instagram-trick-while-holding-something-in-hand-to-convey-how-casual.

• People who don’t skate will begin wearing Polar denim.

• Holographic board graphics.

• Ishod SOTY 100%.

• Primitive collabs with the IRS.

• Primitive collabs with Lockheed Martin.

• Primitive collabs with the Kardashians.

• Primitive is better at skating and makes more money than any of us.

• A skate publication publishes a truly groundbreaking article named, “is the full-length dead?”

• Flip bonks.

• Bonks.

• All terrain wheels. We take to the woods!

• Kickflip cancel will be what sex changes were six years ago.

• Dickies’ 17th(?) emergence as the standard skate pant.

• Dime Glory Challenge includes a Zoolander-esque walk off.

• Homies allowed to invoice companies for filming Instagram clips.

• Hookups launches an OnlyFans.

• AI will remain completely inapplicable to skateboarding.