Fortune Teller 2024: Our New Year’s Predictions In The World Of Surf
We wrote a newsletter intro that had a few of our predictions for the 2024 calendar year in the worlds of surf, skate, music, and art, and you all ate that up with a spoon.
Since you all like to see into the future as much as we do, here are our predictions for 2024 in the world of surfing, compiled by our staff, editors, contributors, friends, enemies, skaters, surfers, industry heads, and fellow shit talkers. Below you will find a list of surfing-related predictions, hopes, trends, guesstimations, and equivocations. Happy new year.
Every surf vlogger surfer gets “really into the honesty” of blue collar work right after the crypto spigot goes dry.
Getting sponsored by a car company becomes cool. You’ll have Garret McNamara touting the Mercedes Sticker on his nose, and everyone pretends to be mad about it. But really, they’re just jealous.
WSL folds.
More edits set to jazz music.
Andy Irons Rising Sun Boardshorts Billabong Throw-Back Line Costco Exclusive.
Costco gets a team and Dane is AM.
Former IPOs.
Comp surfer finds out their sponsor wrapped them up in some massive corporate financial crimes.
Congressmen Robert Kelly Slater (I—Cocoa Beach): Representing the 8th District of Florida.
Mid-lengths: out. Fishes: out. 2010 Firewire snub-nose shapes: in.
Your favourite big wave surfer randomly Instagram’s a photo taken smiling and shaking hands at The White House under the second Trump administration.
Kelly Slater runs for office… in Australia… and wins.
The mass adoption of boogs.
Aysms are mandatory in finals.
Snapper starts being policed by ducks.
Surfing power couples have babies that come out of the womb with a world title.
The sharks at Bay start driving cars.
The Olympic Games must be held in a wave pool due to destruction of reefs by the Olympics games.
The world’s best surfers surf the most average head-high day on national television.
The world’s best surfers competing at The Eddie are once again beaten by a Honolulu City and County employee on their lunch break.
The global surf industry will buy all remaining North Shore property to prevent it falling into the hands of Hawaiians.
The 2024 Chevrolet x Popeyes Louisiana Chicken x Lockheed Martin Thrilla In Manilla Presented by Gatorade will be the highest grossing surfing event in internet streaming history.
‘Surf Art’ will no longer be a term of in the art world as their depictions of clean oceans will seem nostalgic.
More parts set to Jack Johnson.
Surfer’s Journal will buy us and Wasted Talent will buy Surfer’s Journal and STAB will buy all of us because you know they’re just rolling in it.
