And The Winner Is…

In case you missed it, for something like the second or third year in a row, we held our Monster Children Is ___ contest, where we asked our beloved audience to fill in the blank.

Best blank-filler wins some MC gear plus some random crap from our editor Naz’s apartment. As with every year, it is proven to us once again that we love you for your effort, but love and effort doesn’t yield skill, and you are all bad at writing. Truly. I mean, horrible. Leave the wordy stuff to us. Despite this crushing embarrassment on your behalf, we are excited to announce that a winner phrase has been chosen. Well, actually, a couple of winners. We couldn’t really decide, and we fight a lot, so sparing us this conflict, we decided to just send boxes to a few of you. Here are the ones that made us laugh, along with notes from Naz:

Monster Children is the dirty little thing you hide from your parents.

I quite like being anyone’s dirty little anything, and I think that this is closest to what was on the example sheet in the original post, so congratulations, you win a magazine, a hat, a notebook, and a VHS copy of The Cramps playing at Napa State Mental Hospital.

Monster Children is my favorite (money) suck.

I like the use of parenthesis here, though I wish you would have decided whether you wanted to suck us or not and stood firmly behind that decision. If it isn’t sexual, than it is purely a money suck. This was confusing to me. I know why it is this to me, but I’m unsure why you believe it to be the money suck. Are you one of those weirdos who buys copies of our old stuff online? Are you one of those people who thinks that everything is a ‘drop’ where you have to scoop it up like your dog’s shit off the concrete? I searched your name in our Shopify and more than one came up, but none of them were very big spenders, no offense. Anyway, this is the most confusing one from a purely ‘what does he know that I don’t know’ kind of perspective, so congratulations, you win a magazine, a knife, a pencil, and my lyric copy of The Man Of La Mancha with annotation and scribbles and tits drawn on the illustration of Sancho. Enjoy.

Monster Children is shit.

Simple. Direct. Hard to argue with. Most of the other entries pitched a positive spin on MC, and I appreciate someone trying a different flavor. Jokes on you, bitch, you hate us so much but you won some shit whether you like it or not. Congrats fuckwit, you won a magazine, a tote bag, and a Hawaiian lava rock taken with reckless abandon from the cliffs of Oahu possessing famously bad luck, all of which will now be shit onto you.

Thanks for playing. See you next year.